Q: I caught your radio advice to control zombies in a lawn by pitching them headfirst into a wood chipper. Is there an organic option for control?
A: My radio staff members, Ashley Frasca and Scott Maxim, are crack zombie control researchers. They say that you can control zombies organically by liberally applying a crowbar to the skull. The key seems to be destroying their brain before they bite you. Silver crosses, wooden stakes and blue glass bottle trees have not proven effective.